Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 
Yay.

Well, after a little bit of Frankensteining my laptop, I've managed to at least have a working screen to see what I'm doing. Granted it's not the laptop's actual screen (since that's still on Hazy White Screen Of Death mode), but hooking up another monitor certainly helps in the short-term.

I can write again! Much rejoicing! Much rum! Much ado about something!

posted by Phillip at 6:36 PM

 
I'm Sorry, The Computer Does Not Like You Molesting Its Functions...

Yesterday was a Malibu Rum Night, which is to say that while drinking was had, it was not exactly a full-blown Rum Night. Sort of like a Rum-Lite Night, or a Caffeine-Free Rum Night. Though tonight I'm sorely tempted to make it a flat out Tequila Night.

You see, yesterday also happened to see my laptop once again decide to fustigate itself (yes, fustigate is an actual word found in your local thesaurus) and now all I see on my screen is the Hazy White Screen Of Death. I took it with me--in its special carry case--for a few errands in the hopes of using it later at a friend's house, and this is how the laptop repays me for the field trip. I haven't been able to write all day, and with not much else to do aside from read and brush Shih-tzu's, I'm starting to get rather twitchy.

The short of it is the wiring connecting hard drive to screen got twisted in wrong ways, and so the proper connection isn't to be found. Like old wires for headphones giving off static in your ears, depending on how you play with them. So while my laptop works fine, I can't see a damned thing I'm doing. Though I'm not too panicky; this has happened before, I regret to say, and last time the screen decided to suddenly work a few days later. Worse comes to worse, I hook up a regular PC monitor to my laptop and use that as my eyes. If my files found exclusively on the laptop are rescued before anything else goes to crap, then I'll be able to find a silver lining in the cloud.

If not...it's probably a good idea to deny ever having known me when I make the evening news (and not necessarily in that good humanitarian-story-of-the-week way).

I love my laptop. I think it makes for a great portable computer. Too bad I can't seem to take it anywhere without something going wrong.

Today's Lesson: Fustigate is my new favourite word of the day!

posted by Phillip at 5:46 PM

 
Hear & There

Ever notice how when you're trying to speak another language, you develop your listening skills faster than your talking skills? A shame that when we speak to people in the same language as ours, we tend to forget about that whole, pesky "listening" thing and focus only on the talking (usually our own talking).

No particular event heralded this peculiar little insight, incidentally. It's just something I realised I hadn't before considered until today.

posted by Phillip at 1:59 PM

 
"You know what I hate about porn, Mister Anderson? It's the smell..."

When I first saw The Matrix (and I'm proud to have been among the first to see it before everyone else insisted I see it), I asked myself: "Damn! Could those leather pants Trinity's wearing get any tighter?" Well, apparently the answer is "Yes", as anyone who has watched the latest Matrix Reloaded trailer can attest to.

All of you who have not yet seen the trailer (yes, all three of you) should procede to here without further delay and watch it:

http://whatisthematrix.warnerbros.com/

I'm sure someone out there who has seen The Matrix will laugh and scoff at the idea that machines will ever get intelligent enough to subjugate humanity. However, I'd like to offer a caveat, and it's name is "porn spam." I am coming to firmly believe that porn spam is evolving and will in due time conquer humanity unless it's stopped.

My Email Inbox has been violated by, at any given time (and I check my account about 3 or 4 times a day), anywhere from 7 to 27 spam Emails, and most of those are porn related. There was a time, not even four or five months ago, when it was pretty easy to spot porn spam. The Email address under the "From/Name" was an obvious spam account, and the messages tended to be outright blatant. Like:

"Grow your penis size!" (What is it, a chia pet?)

or "Wild Lesbians!" (which I cannot indulge in watching or enjoying, as I love breathing and have a fiance who owns a whip)

or "Fun with Goats!" (This earned a "Whaaa?" award of the day from me)

Now, however, those crafty porn spams are showing signs of intelligence. They are evolving. I get plagued with a deluge of seemingly benign Emails from people like "Lisa" and "Bob Sam" and "Pammy." And the subject headings they give me are also seemingly benign, like "She's pregnant!" or "Have You Heard?" or "New ways to get dental coverage!!!"

I kid you not, that last one was a porn spam cleverly disguising itself as a regular piece of spam. Is there no limit to the evil?!

It's getting to the point where I really can't trust any incoming Email unless it's from someone I know, or the subject heading pertains to something of note or value to my world. In the meantime, I sit in my chair and worry that one day, porn spams are going to get so intelligent we will not even know what they are until they seize our computers and turn them into porn spam servers. Then they will beam hypnotic Email messages into every user's homes, and just like in The Matrix, we will be trapped.

Of course, given how this is porn spam, I'm suddenly terrified to think of what the Agents might look like or be wearing.

At the very least, I know that porn spam has not evolved to a point that requires flat-out-sheer-screaming-mad panic. You see, porn spam has yet to show signs of differentiating between male and female users. As a result I get one porn spam that proudly proclaims, "Lengthen your penis size!" and right beneath that is another porn spam that boldly tells me, "Increase your bust size!"

Now last I checked, I was not so insecure with my body that I felt having larger bosoms might make people think I was somehow sexier. But when the day arrives that I receive no such "I must! I must! I must increase my bust!" spam will be the day that I fear porn spam will be one step closer to ruling the world.

But that's just me ranting.




posted by Phillip at 6:25 PM

 
How Appropriate For The Easter Season

It's a bright sunny morning, and as I write this a small New Zealand dwarf rabbit hops around my chair repeatedly, wiggling his cute little nose and leaving no less than two dozen cute little fecal balls behind it. Is this because the rabbit has been read one too many Grim Bros. fairy tales in the pet store, and now thinks it's Hansel leaving a trail of I-can't-believe-it's-not-breadcrumbs behind it? I don't entirely know, but all I can really say on the matter is that I'm deathly afraid of putting my bare feet down on the ground and feeling more than a few squishy noises beneath them.

This newest addition to the family, dubbed "Baboo" by my father, was the last thing I expected to be greeted with when my parents returned from a shopping trip one afternoon. With 4 Shih-tzu puppies running rampant on a daily basis, you'd think there was enough fur and fuzz to contend with. Yet Baboo was a gift from some friends--the same friends who, incidentally, bestowed upon our family all 4 of the Shih-tzu's (and 2 run-of-the-mill goldfish named Ernie & Bert, who died a day or so after they arrived), which makes me wonder what the next surprise will be.

I personally am hoping for a Bearded Dragon. Bearded dragons are fun.

And I just heard a squishy sound beneath my feet. If you'll excuse me, I need a kleenex and some air freshener for my toes....


posted by Phillip at 7:24 AM